breakaleginhalf | dataBURST: IC Inbox

I'm bad at feeling. You know this. You both know this.

[Oh, that's only half-true at best. They're an expert at guild and shame and misery. They're almost capable of contentment, sometimes. But anger? Joy? Desire? Those all get clogged up in the pipes.]

[Gil's tongue flicks out to leave a wet, sloppy and entirely unromantic trail of saliva up Coda's neck before he pulls his face away from his mess.]

I dunno, man, you taste pretty guilty to me. That's an emotion.

[ Artemis stares at the two of them in disbelief and then elbows Gil slightly in the ribs. Just because it's true... ]

Okay, gross, first of all... But I think what Gil is trying to say is you're not bad at feeling it. Sometimes you kinda suck at knowing how to deal with it.

[Coda lets out a high-pitched Microsoft 'eep' sound effect when licked.]

And...you're right about how I function with regard to guilt, perhaps. But there's some parts of the emotional spectrum I'm pretty colorblind to.

[...okay that's enough, Gil's gonna use the blanket to wipe their neck now.]

Well yeah, everyone's got a few emotions they don't have a good relationship with. It wouldn't be very Winter of you otherwise, and I could easily pass for Summer. [His tone suggests he doesn't think it's a good thing.] It's just one of those things we gotta keep working on. And you've got us to help. And other people, too.

[ ~~That better have been Gil's blanket.~~

Artemis still has only the vaguest idea what the business with the seasons is, but he's nodding along supportively anyway - though he's not sure how the hell he ended up as someone anyone could go to for emotional help. Watching the two of them, though, he thinks maybe it's worth it. ]

Speaking of passing for Summer...I still really wonder how there's any universe where a version of me ended up there.

[This isn't really a subject change. Coda's aware that Summer's purview is their biggest area of emotional constipation.]

[Gil makes an 'oof' face as he turns his gaze away.]

Maybe they decided using their mixed feelings as fuel for the fire was a better use of their energy. Make it everyone else's problem.

Infinite... something on infinite typewriters... [ Artemis shrugs his free shoulder. He's certainly still coping with the fact that there's a version of himself out there that ended up as a moonshine-selling hobo. The man's got a beard. ] Would that even be you anymore?

That's a really fun question, isn't it? What makes any of us, us? At what point is someone not-me?

[Coda sighs dramatically.]

There's a human version of me here, too. Using my birth name, ignorant of how her life could have turned out instead. Speaking of, Gil, I now know the name you were born to.

[Well that makes one ear twitch forward, and he looks at Coda in surprise.]

...did I not tell you that? Gil Ryanson's my real name, I've never used another one.

Bold of you to be open about that fact. Bold choice overall. It's dangerous, letting people know that.

...though I suppose potentially anyone might know my birth name, at this point.

[They seem to tense a little at the idea.]

[And he snorts loudly.]

I'm not threatened by Artemis knowing my name is my True Name. No offence, mate.

[And he gives Artemis a winning smile. Without the Mask it's more full of fangs than ever.]

Not sure what you think I'd even do with it.

[ He's vaguely aware of older stories about telling fairies your name, but he couldn't be any more human. He scratches the back of his neck, though, and gives Coda a slightly shifty look.

At least they'd made the choice for him as far as talking about her went. ]

I met her. So. You can count me as one of the people that knows, I guess. Sorry.

What did you think of her?

[It's a question they shouldn't be asking. They shouldn't care. Theresa Wu has no relevance to their life.

But...]

[ Artemis is choosing his words carefully, even if he's working hard not to let it show in his face. ]

She was... nice, I guess? Older? Not really someone I'd notice, if I passed her in the street.

She's far too normal for you.

[There's a mix of wistfulness and something smug here.]

It's...good to know she's alright. That there's a world in which I could have been alright. I mean. Not that this one's the worst possible one, perhaps.

Your Summer version's a bit too comfortable with instigating violence, I think. And, uh. [His voice softens a little, automatically.] Using your blessing on people.

[ The smugness there makes Artemis relax a little in relief; that's far from the worst reaction they could've had, considering the circumstances.

The unfamiliar terminology distracts him, though, and he can't help blurting out: ] Blessing?

Oh fuck. I'm sorry.

[Could either of them have imagined Coda going paler, blanching until they're literally paper white? Well, they do.]

He...he means my kith blessing. The same way he eats like a garbage disposal, or Bugsy...eats like a garbage disposal, I've got...it's not really a blessing to me. I hate it. I'm sorry.

[And Gil's immediately pulling them in for a tighter cuddle.]

Shit-- Coda, it's okay, they didn't use it on me, I swear. I'm fine. It's okay.

[He looks back at Artemis briefly.]

Every Kith has a special fancy magic trick only they do. Mine is actually my teeth, I can bite through anything, Coda's is... uh. Bad.

[ Well. So much for any feeling of relief. Artemis shifts a little closer now, at a genuinely loss as to how to help with something that's well outside of what he understands, except - ]

And there's some shittier version that wants to do it on everyone. [ His hand tightens on Coda's again. ] Is there anything we can do about this? Any of it?

If...if they're the sort who wants to use it on everyone, then they ought to be stopped. I shouldn't...no one should use that. I hate everything I was made. Everything I was created to be, and if there's one of me who embraces that, they must be...fucking...awful.

[Coda's curling in on themself hard, shuddering--with anger, with self-loathing, with fear.]

[And now Gil feels utterly horrible.]

Coda-- don't put words in my mouth, alright? I phrased that badly but I didn't say everyone, I only saw them use it on a fucking-- aggressive Hedge monster, thing, they were getting it to slow down so they could finish it off. It was-- horrible, but it was practical, it wouldn't have stopped otherwise.

[Which doesn't feel much better, on the grand scale, but maybe there's enough semantics to help ease Coda's frankly massive anxieties.]

[ Artemis shoots Gil and apologetic (and more than a little panicked) look over Coda's head, trying to find some guidance there. ]

So they weren't hurting anyone with it. [ Whatever it is. ] But even if they were awful, Coda, so what? They're not you.

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