breakaleginhalf | dataBURST: IC Inbox

[It is, as usual, nearly impossible to warm their hand up. But they appreciate the contact.]

I don't think it matters in the end if I forgive him or not. He's right, he'll disappear in the end, and it won't count for anything.

[Gil's jaw shifts slightly against Coda's head as he licks his teeth self-consciously. Fuck Bugsy for being right about the Beast giving him the mental fortitude to survive Arcadia; he wouldn't have thought that he'd suffer such a bad existential crisis as a human, looking back.]

...shit.

- It will.

[ Artemis is saying it immediately, over-top Gil, words torn out of him almost unwillingly. His tone's even, low, and his eyes are focused on Coda's shoulder rather than either of their faces. ]

The way you treat him, the way he treats you, the choices he makes and the ones you do - it all matters, and it still will when they're gone, even if the only thing left is the way you feel.

[The hand that Artemis is holding grips his back tightly, because hearing that from him...well, that means this all means something. That it counts. They hear what he's not putting into words.

Even if they can't work up their own anger, that there's an actual real reason to feel that they can hold onto, that's priceless.]

Maybe you're right.

[And that's another grateful look sent to Artemis, even if this one has a little pity mixed in.

So instead of words, he just gives Coda another gentle squeeze, wrapping both furry arms around their chest completely and shifting his head to their shoulder again. Gil doesn't purr but there's a soft rumbling in his chest, so deep that even Artemis can feel him thrumming.]

[ Artemis pointedly dodges meeting Gil's eyes, this time; he feels too exposed by it. But it seems to have worked, at least a little, and so there's relief poured over anything else he's feeling. He squeezes Coda's hand back. ]

I'm right.

[ His usual self-aggrandizing is notably absent from that. ]

Gil's right. And you get to feel however the hell you want.

I'm bad at feeling. You know this. You both know this.

[Oh, that's only half-true at best. They're an expert at guild and shame and misery. They're almost capable of contentment, sometimes. But anger? Joy? Desire? Those all get clogged up in the pipes.]

[Gil's tongue flicks out to leave a wet, sloppy and entirely unromantic trail of saliva up Coda's neck before he pulls his face away from his mess.]

I dunno, man, you taste pretty guilty to me. That's an emotion.

[ Artemis stares at the two of them in disbelief and then elbows Gil slightly in the ribs. Just because it's true... ]

Okay, gross, first of all... But I think what Gil is trying to say is you're not bad at feeling it. Sometimes you kinda suck at knowing how to deal with it.

[Coda lets out a high-pitched Microsoft 'eep' sound effect when licked.]

And...you're right about how I function with regard to guilt, perhaps. But there's some parts of the emotional spectrum I'm pretty colorblind to.

[...okay that's enough, Gil's gonna use the blanket to wipe their neck now.]

Well yeah, everyone's got a few emotions they don't have a good relationship with. It wouldn't be very Winter of you otherwise, and I could easily pass for Summer. [His tone suggests he doesn't think it's a good thing.] It's just one of those things we gotta keep working on. And you've got us to help. And other people, too.

[ ~~That better have been Gil's blanket.~~

Artemis still has only the vaguest idea what the business with the seasons is, but he's nodding along supportively anyway - though he's not sure how the hell he ended up as someone anyone could go to for emotional help. Watching the two of them, though, he thinks maybe it's worth it. ]

Speaking of passing for Summer...I still really wonder how there's any universe where a version of me ended up there.

[This isn't really a subject change. Coda's aware that Summer's purview is their biggest area of emotional constipation.]

[Gil makes an 'oof' face as he turns his gaze away.]

Maybe they decided using their mixed feelings as fuel for the fire was a better use of their energy. Make it everyone else's problem.

Infinite... something on infinite typewriters... [ Artemis shrugs his free shoulder. He's certainly still coping with the fact that there's a version of himself out there that ended up as a moonshine-selling hobo. The man's got a beard. ] Would that even be you anymore?

That's a really fun question, isn't it? What makes any of us, us? At what point is someone not-me?

[Coda sighs dramatically.]

There's a human version of me here, too. Using my birth name, ignorant of how her life could have turned out instead. Speaking of, Gil, I now know the name you were born to.

[Well that makes one ear twitch forward, and he looks at Coda in surprise.]

...did I not tell you that? Gil Ryanson's my real name, I've never used another one.

Bold of you to be open about that fact. Bold choice overall. It's dangerous, letting people know that.

...though I suppose potentially anyone might know my birth name, at this point.

[They seem to tense a little at the idea.]

[And he snorts loudly.]

I'm not threatened by Artemis knowing my name is my True Name. No offence, mate.

[And he gives Artemis a winning smile. Without the Mask it's more full of fangs than ever.]

Not sure what you think I'd even do with it.

[ He's vaguely aware of older stories about telling fairies your name, but he couldn't be any more human. He scratches the back of his neck, though, and gives Coda a slightly shifty look.

At least they'd made the choice for him as far as talking about her went. ]

I met her. So. You can count me as one of the people that knows, I guess. Sorry.

What did you think of her?

[It's a question they shouldn't be asking. They shouldn't care. Theresa Wu has no relevance to their life.

But...]

[ Artemis is choosing his words carefully, even if he's working hard not to let it show in his face. ]

She was... nice, I guess? Older? Not really someone I'd notice, if I passed her in the street.

She's far too normal for you.

[There's a mix of wistfulness and something smug here.]

It's...good to know she's alright. That there's a world in which I could have been alright. I mean. Not that this one's the worst possible one, perhaps.

Your Summer version's a bit too comfortable with instigating violence, I think. And, uh. [His voice softens a little, automatically.] Using your blessing on people.

[ The smugness there makes Artemis relax a little in relief; that's far from the worst reaction they could've had, considering the circumstances.

The unfamiliar terminology distracts him, though, and he can't help blurting out: ] Blessing?

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